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Is anyone else slightly concerned with the idea that self-care is as simple as “taking a shower”?

Because…I have thoughts.

Firstly…sometimes taking a shower isn’t simple. Not at all. Not when there’s 7,000 other things that need your attention RIGHT NOW. Not when your brain tells you to take a shower, and then controls your body to do anything else other than shower. (Yes, that happens. And it’s not as “controlable” as anyone would like to tell me it is, either.) Not when showering is a basic of what we consider cleanliness and hygiene.

Quit telling people to take a shower and they’ll feel better.
Showers are not be-all, end-alls that solve many problems. For a LOT of people, being told to “take a shower, you’ll feel better” creates this internal dialogue that actually makes things worse. Seriously.

Instead of telling someone what’s going to make them feel better? Maybe offer to help. Don’t tell them “let me know what you need”…(chances are that their mind is chaotic and they DON’T KNOW). Tell them…
-hey. I know that you/your family likes to eat *this* so I brought some so you don’t have to make it. I’m gonna sit here and visit for a minute, why don’t you run to the bathroom and …(there’s a lot of options here…pee, brush your teeth quick, brush your hair, wash your face, scream into the void…) and I’ll be right here when you get back if you’d like to visit. If not, I’ll be on my way and we can text later…
-hey. Let me play with / hold the kiddo(s) for 5 minutes. Go do what YOU need to do…even if it’s nothing more than (again…fill in a quick option). I know that makes me feel a bit more centered/grounded. Nope. I insist. Go.

See how easy that is? And that’s only two very simple options.

Pick up a $5 bouquet of flowers. Drop it off and WALK AWAY.
Grab a couple of things you know they use very regularly (milk, bread, sandwich meat, jam, fruit) when you run to market and drop them off and just WALK AWAY.
Make a favorite meal (of theirs) and have it ready to heat and drop it off and WALK AWAY.
Offer to “body double” and keep them company while they clean…running interference with children and spouses if necessary so they don’t get distracted.
Send them a card (seriously. You have no idea how much it means to get mail that isn’t bills until you’re in the middle of something hectic and you GET mail that isn’t a bill!)

This isn’t that hard, folks. Really. It’s just not.