Cemeteries and Memories

Today I drove past a cemetery.

Beautiful headstones and memorial markers, laid out in pleasing rows and columns.
Trees and benches, flowers and flags.
A place marking memories.

And it caused me to recall the statement by Anne Frank: “Dead people receive more flowers than the living ones because regret is stronger than gratitude.”

It caused a mix of thoughts and ideas to pour through my brain.
Questions such as “what am I leaving behind when I go?”

Having had the life experiences that I have, I realize how quickly life can end.

I’ll admit that at 38 years old, I’d like to think that I easily have 40 or 50 years ahead of me yet. I’d like to believe that, in that time, I will do and see many things. I will continue to experience and explore on my own terms.

I’ve also considered what I want to leave behind as my legacy.

Not having a family has caused me to think of and consider how I will make a dent in this world and into the future, without passing down items to children who will cherish the memories.

The other evening, I was also thinking about my grandparents and how I wished so desperately that I could hear some of their stories of their lives again.
I had thought earlier of how I can get my mother to record some of the stories of her life and to recount some of the stories of her parents. We had cleaned out a piece of the family property and my mother -bless her hoarder heart- wanted to keep almost EVERYTHING that was in remotely decent condition. I finally talked her into taking pictures and telling stories instead (we don’t have room to store it all! It’s impossible!!!).

We haven’t started that project yet. We probably should get a start on that soon…

What can we leave, other than money or property? What can we leave other than pictures and memories?

I know that it’s not something anyone EVER wants to think about. Ever.

Not only have I helped families make decisions after death, I’ve helped many many families prepare for the inevitable…something that they don’t only want to think can happen to their family, but something that we would all like to believe we’re too lucky to avoid until we’ve lived a full life and are aged.

Do I know what I want to leave behind?

Is “a better world” to cliché? I feel like it might be…

But that’s simply it. Simply I want to leave this world better than I open my eyes to every morning. Every day.

It’s not an easy thing to work forward towards, at all.

I’m absolutely not a saint. Not even in the running for sainthood! …mostly because I’m not catholic. But that’s of little consequence – the catholic thing.
I can’t even imagine what people thing of my beliefs, really. Okay, honestly I don’t care what people think or don’t think. I’m not normal, though.

I can’t imagine how incredibly hard people have to work to actually accomplish ANYTHING that positively benefits this world. I’m exhausted every single day, far too early…and I don’t accomplish much at all. This isn’t working in my favor.

So the question to myself is simple to ask: How do I determine if what I’ve done has made an impact?
Simple to ask? Yes. Simple to answer? Hell No.

Cemeteries are memorials. We spend a lot of money memorializing people…and not enough time with their memories.

We should probably fix that…

And maybe we should spend more time with the flowers -and people- while they’re alive.  Just a thought.

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Mood

In absolute honesty?

I detest the phrase “mood”.  I’m not even 100% sure what it means!

I actually am frustrated with a LOT of the American-English language right now…and with myself.

I constantly and consistently use the same words and phrases over and over again.  I’m sure that they are worn through.

I’m not an author.  I’m not a speaker.  I’m not a copy-writer.  I build content. I write extremely simple press releases.  I assemble professional email.

So why the personal concern about my personal usage of language?
Because I know that I know more words than I use.  Because I know that there are BETTER and more accurate-to-what-I-want-to-convey words and phrases available to me.

Because I know that I can be more varied and colorful in my speech and writing.  The world is black and white and gray enough already.  Color, already.

Shortened, trendy phrases do not do the language that is so very in-depth and wide justice what-so-ever.  That was pointed out to me.  Stepping back to view my usage and the conveyance of the words and phrases?  I was highly disappointed and discouraged with myself for having adopted many of the pieces that I have.

Don’t get me wrong: working on social networks, some of the shortened words and trending phrase have their usage moments and places.

They do NOT have places in my everyday conversation.
Step one – eliminate usage of these pieces.

Step two?  Work to increase the usage of other words and phrases in my everyday correspondence and conversations.

Do I think this will be easy?  Nope.  Language is as much a habit as which shoe you put on first is.  It’s also almost as much a subconscious and reflexed act.  It will take time and focused effort to improve.

I’m dedicated to it though.

I will be better tomorrow than I have been today.
So will my use of words and language functionality.

The Moment When…

…everything is laid out in front of you that you have to do…
…that you want to do…

…that you’re GOING TO DO…

…and it’s slightly overwhelming.
Slightly…

I sat today for a good chunk of time and wrote.
Really wrote.
On paper.  Everything that I could think of.

Then I started plugging stuff into my date book.
Even WITH the sticky notes?  It’s a hot mess in there tonight.  I don’t want to reopen it to look…

Yet I will, first thing in the morning…at 5am.
Because it’s what I have to do to be successful.  Period

I Wish I Had More People

…who liked to walk like I do.

Today, what started as a stroll turned into a 7 mile walk.  I think I should probably mention that it’s like 46*F out.  Feels like 36*F.  There’s a slight breeze.

Look.  I didn’t do it on purpose.
I got tired of sitting in front of my computer, working.  So I went for a nice walk.  And I’m thinking about going out and walking some more after I have a double-decker PB&J.

Pretty much because I can.

I can just plug into music and go if I want.  For as long as I want.  I don’t find walking a chore.  I enjoy it.

Today, I borrowed one of the niece’s headphone sets (my earbuds are still MIA) and didn’t even turn music on.  Just listened to the world.  The earbuds muffled passing traffic nicely.  Win!

…It’s too hot.  …It’s too cold.  …The sun’s out.  …It’s snowing.
Every damn reason in the book.

One day?  One day those legs of yours aren’t going to be able to carry you anywhere any more.  And you’ll have missed out on all the world as it is.
I’m sad to know that that is the fate of a lot of people.

There’s SO MUCH to see in the world around you!  I have walked this area a LOT in the last 2 years, and every time I go some place -even the couple of blocks to the gas station- I find something else to see.
OPEN YOUR EYES!!!

I wish that there were more people in this world who enjoyed things like this.
Those are people who I’d like to sit and talk to…or walk and talk with.
I have a difficult time with people who like to talk about other people; that seems to be a very consistent topic is other people and their lives.
I hate it when people talk about me.  Why would I want to listen to people talk about other people (I mean, unless they’re YOUR people and you’re filling me in on what’s been going on with them lately.  That’s different)?

*sigh*  Maybe I’m just weird…

I Can’t Do It.

I know.  I’ve tried.  For a long time.

Years, actually.

No matter HOW great a digital planner is?  I cannot rely on solely.  Nope.  I am a paper girl.

This isn’t fair.

I enjoy the set up of a digital “catch-all”.  It’s simply not effective to me getting anything done.  At all.

What do I mean?  I mean that I don’t look at it once I’ve set it up.
I mean that it SITS…and I don’t adjust it when I actually do use it and do things.

It’s simply not accessible to me at all times (I know, right???  But I don’t have all programs on all devices, which is fine by me).
Nor is it as much fun.
Judge me:  I like designing my pages with markers.  I’m part big 8-year-old…

…I should go sticker shopping (except I’m broke, so…)…

So here I sit.  Trying to figure out a way to use technology to my advantage while still writing everything down.

For as tech-savvy as people think I am?  I’m just not.

It’s Only Saturday

…you’re not dead yet.

So what the hell are you still doing in BED?!?!?  Seriously.  Anyone who’s ever wanted something in their LIFE knows you don’t get a “day off” from working towards it.
This is one of the reasons that I’ve never understood “cheat meals”…

I’ve been awake a while.  I’ve been “up and moving” almost as long.  Almost.  I did spend the first 15 minutes of my day in bed. Stretching.  So there.
But I knew what time it was, and going back to sleep was NOT even an idea in my head.

It’s only Saturday.  There are no days off in life.  None.  Nada.  It doesn’t work like that…
I figure I have a good 30-40 years left in my life.  So by that math, I’m about 1/2 way through my life.
I’ve slept in a LOT of Saturdays (and a lot of other days, actually).  I’ve things I am working to accomplish.  I don’t have time to sleep in all day.

You don’t either.  Trust me on this.

Am I perosonable in the morning?  No.  But that shouldn’t keep me from getting going almost first thing.  What do they say about doing things you love?  People are NEVER one of those “I love it” things anyway, so… *shrug*…

But me getting along with people in the morning (or directly after a nap) is not the issue.

The issue is whether or not I’m working towards my goals.  Which I am.

“I don’t have dreams.  I have goals.”

 

Personal And The World

I’ve had a lot of projects in the works for a while now.  Not all of them are ready to be worked on and reveal to the world…yet.
But a few of them will be public soon.

Personal branding is something that I’m very good at.  It’s actually part of what I do for a living (kind of); public relations.

I’m sitting at a very odd -for lack of a better word- spot in my life.  I’m very happy to have the goals that I have…I’m very happy to have worked on what I have and to continue to work on some of those projects.

I’ve never, however, monetied ANYTHING.  So this should be interesting.  And I’m sure the challenge of it will be frustrating as well. I can imagine that I will want to throw this damn laptop at one point or another.

Yet I know that this will all be worth it in a few years.

Working on the projects that I am will help others.  I know that it does and I know that it will.
The things that I do in this life?  They’re never about me.  Ever.  I know that sounds really weird…

So.  What’s up first?  I have some reading to do today.
I’m also working on mapping and planning.

And as much as I like to plan things out?  There’s a couple of things I’m going to have to do just by jumping in.  I don’t like just jumping in to things…