There are things that I detest. A LOT of things that I detest.
Waiting, for example. I am NOT a patient person.
I am not fond of having to ponder imponderables, either.
Like right now.
As I work through one of the challenges
offered to me (fuck “offered”. I don’t get challenges “OFFERED” to me to choose whether or not to accept.
I get offers THRUST in to my life because I NEED them to move forward and up) put into my life, I find myself at one hell of an intersection — both professionally and personally.
I don’t know how to maneuver through it, either. *le sigh*
I think it will be simplified if I talk it out.
Possibly not. Actually? PROBABLY not. I’ll probably wind up with several more totally legitimate challenges to deal with.
How in the actual fuck at 37 years of age am I so damned confused about so much???
Oh. That makes sense: BECAUSE “SOCIETY” IS TOTALLY FUCKING FUCKED THE FUCK UP.
Legit answer to a stupid question, honestly…
I have discovered that I’m not content (GASP. Noooooooo. Say it ain’t so…) in my current life plan. Or at least my current “career” plan. HOWEVER, I am content enough with it for now to continue. Money pays for things even though it’s not worth anything and I like food, so…
I’m simply having a difficult time justifying how I’m going about things right this moment.
Can You even imagine if I could find the courage to highly disappoint my mother and do what I know that I could? Can You even IMAGINE?!?!?! *sigh* I can. I get a taste of what it is every once in a while… …for which I will always be thankful!
And honestly? There’s an entire slate of things that I SHOULD be doing anyway!
The absolute insanity of it all is that I’m 37 years old.
…is this a “mid-life crisis”? Lawrd I fekin hope not! I’m not ready to have this be mid-of-my-life!
…only partially because I have a shitton of things to see and do and experience yet.
Okay MOSTLY because I have a shitton of things to see and do and experience and learn and become yet.
Also? Because I am SO DAMN CONFUSED.
So what do I do? Do I call up my Bestest and ramble and hope for an answer (also, if you weren’t laughing hysterically by the 5th word of that question? You don’t actually know me at all! I don’t use my phone for that!)? Or do I write it out and hope to find a suitable answer within the lines and arrows and doodles that inevitably will cover the page of writing as always? Or do I continue typing sentences and paragraph breaks that only make sense to me?
Or quite possibly just jump…
…they always say the best time to jump is when you’re scared…