It Means Doing The Difficult Things

Enter: coffee.
Lots and lots of coffee.

Because I left Momma’s at 10pm…and went to the diner.  I’m not done for the night yet.
PS?  It’s cold.  Like “feel real” of 9*.  I guess at least it’s 9* above…

I’m plotting what I need to accomplish in the next 10 days.  …I probably should read my coaching challenges first, but…
*sigh*  Hold on.  I’ll be back… I gotta read my coaching challenges, first…

Okay.  So that was actually important.  NOW I can plot what I need to accomplish in the next 10 days…

In case you missed the memo?  I’m no where near normal.  No where near…
And I have a shitton on my plate…by choice.
Some days it feels like way too much.  Some nites I cry.
There’s a lot of times that I can’t even begin to explain how difficult the lines of thinking in my head make my decision-making process.
There’s a lot of times I wish -REALLY WISH- that I could do things the easy way.  Be comfortable.  Do what everyone else does.

Yeah…I laugh about that, too.
Because I have actually DONE things the easy, comfy way before.
I hated it.

No, really!  I hated it. AND I hate where it’s put me.

Why do we allow “society” to tell us how to live…even if we KNOW it doesn’t work like that?
Seriously.  WE know that it doesn’t.

AND we know that there’s no possible way that things that are too good to be true are EVER true.  Yet?  We buy into them anyway…
We always always do…

I’m really tired of the cycle.

I’m ending it in my life.
I’m ending a LOT of things in my life.

I’m starting a lot of things in my life, too.
We have let go of the way things have been done for new, modern conviences…
…and look where it’s left us.

So I just bought half a hog for spring slaughter…
…there’s a start.

Oh.  And I may have purchased a chest freezer…  What.  I’m going to need it.

I’m also dedicated to saving money.  While I will invest in start up companies (and I found an app that allows me to do that with my “spare change” from every day purchases), I need to invest in me, too.
In a Mason jar.
I’m not kidding.

I’ve got so much I want to see and do and experience and learn…

And I’m on top of it right now, too.
I think.

(It really needs to warm up again.  If December is this cold?  January is going to be another brutal-ass frigid month…)

The entire point of this post is actually THIS…
I walk almost everywhere I need to be.  Almost.  I get rides to the far side of town or in heavy traffic times or in horrible weather.  This is partially my choice.  It didn’t start as my choice, but it is now.  My sister needs a second vehicle more than I need one at all.
Any way…

I caught shit the other nite for walking to the house in the cold.  It wasn’t ALL that cold.  And the wind was at my back the entire 5.1 miles.
…you read that right.

Here’s the thing, okay?  It’s my CHOICE to be with out a car.  It’s also my choice to go out and do things or eat out or run errands on my own (I use Momma’s car a couple days a month for things like groceries, and I lump as many errands together for those days as I possibly can fit into 3 hours).  And while yes, it’s cold?  There’s an unseen population in THIS CITY…that is a whole lot larger than anyone would care to admit…that is legitimately HOMELESS in this weather.  The amount of beds in shelters is far less than the amount of bodies that need them.  They don’t have a CHOICE to be out in the weather.

I have made a decision to go out.  I’m not going to be an inconvience to those I hang around with when I’m ready to go, either.  It’s not a big deal.  At all.
(I appreciate the Trues that have helped out without being asked!  It rocks more than You’ll EVER know!)

I know it sounds weird, yet it’s the absolute: there are a lot of people that have life a lot worse then I do.  My life is good.  GREAT actually.  I have a roof over my head and food in my tummy.  I have dreams and goals and I’m working hard everyday.  I have a career that challenges me to do better every day.  I know that what I want to accomplish is truly achievable through hard work.  I know that I can be self-sustainable and self-sufficient and that I will be with in the next 10 years.  I know who I can Trust and Respect and the rest of the world can go fuck themselves.

And I understand my purpose and my calling.  Better yet?  I understand HOW I am going to fulfill it.

It means doing difficult things, whether they make sense to anyone else or not.

It’s about LIVING LOUD.

And it’s about the awe and the wonder moments that are the makings of life.

No matter how difficult it is to look beyond myself or the situation and task in front of me.
Understanding self-worth, self-dignity, and self-respect is one thing.  Enforcing it…from yourself first so that others learn how to treat you? That’s another task all together.

And it’s not easy.  Because to look into yourself?  You must look outwards.
It’s okay.  Keep looking.

You’ll see it.  If you keep looking?  You’ll see it….


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s