The Problem With Self-Awareness

Or criticism.  Pretty much the same thing if you’re me.

In the 2 years that I had actively pursued modeling, I attended approximately 15 open calls and auditions.
I have my call sheets.  I have the notes.
I attended coaching sessions.
I have the notes from those as well.

I know where my work needs to focus.

Doesn’t make my life easier.  Seriously.

The pieces listed by other people (my faults) are the same things I’ve always seen about myself.
Add entertainer into the mix…singer, specifically….and I have my work cut out for me.
Can I get another 18 hours in my day, please?  PLEASE?!?!?!?


No?  Okay.  I’ll make it work.
I have to.

The 16-year-old niece is poised to have my life in 20 years.  For real.  Same attitude.  Same realistic views of life that argue with what she really wants to do.  Same PCOS diagnosis.  Same low tolerance for bullshit (and the same avoidance of having female friends.  She also has very little use for the manipulation, the emotional, the whiny, the emotional manipulation, and the DRAMA they always bring).
Dammit.  The middle one pretty much LOOKS like my twin.  The eldest one has the same LIFE.  I don’t know which is worse.

…also?  Do I need any other arguments as to why I do NOT personally need children???

Anyway.  Having nieces and nephews and friends with kids?  It means I can’t just talk the talk about taking care of yourself and living loud.  I have to live it.

Because these are KIDS.  They look up to adults.  They do actually listen.  I want them to LIVE as they continue to grow and become.  I don’t want them to do what so many of their generation(s) are doing and simply exist.
I want them to SEE that you can and will WIN.  That life is still fulfilling and LIVABLE when people exit your life for whatever reason.  That -even though the fairy tale we expect doesn’t exist- you make the decision to continue and do and explore and climb and stay at the table? You will indeed have more fun and be more fulfilled because you are LIVING.  That reaching the dreams?  Totally doable…and that they will change and grow and that that IS okay.  That there is no “final destination” for people who want to continue…the dreams get bigger…it’s NEVER “done” or “accomplished”.
I want them to understand that you don’t ‘leave a legacy’ when you die…that you ARE a legacy.  That it’s more important to LEAD than to boss or manage.

And I’ve got this.

I mean, I don’t have time to nap.  But I’ve got my life.
And I WILL overcome the criticism (constructive or not), personal or professional.

Because?  Because I know its way possible  I got this shit.
…all in the normal 24 hours that normal people get.

I’m not anything special in that aspect.
I’m simply determined, inspired, driven, dedicated, and passionate about LIVING my life on my terms.

Simple.  As.  That.


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