I’m Tried and A Failure: A Rant.

I’m sitting here, on my 3rd pot of coffee, with my head on the table crying.  I’m so frustrated right now.


And I can’t solve it.  I’m asking all the questions I can think of…and I can’t come up with a solution or a path to a solution.  And I can’t spend every moment of every day beating my head off the wall and the table and the floor getting nowhere.  I’m not giving up.  I have to get back to business tho.  I like to eat.  It’s a weird fucking habit I have.

But I don’t get to get back to what I had been at.  Nope.  I have to adjust.  It’s been in the plans since the middle of the month.  Get to car shows.  Focus more on training and fueling.  Set up another shoot.  Get to auditions.  Get to seminars.  Get my professional presence online set up completely.  Build on what I’ve built already.

Oh.  Plus that pesky “adulting” thing that I’m required to do.

Did I mention that I’m doing a half marathon in September?  Yeah.  I got really crazy on Saturday night and signed up for one.

And the list of classes (I’m in 6 active course tracked classes this session) keeps growing.

I have notes to type.  I have notes to TAKE on saved videos and webinars.
I have funding work to solve and plan.

I do NOT have time for the assholes and idiots and the BULLSHIT they create!!!

I have a life created that’s full of mayhem -my own doing- that I DO NOT TOLERATE CHAOS in it.

I will eventually SOLVE said chaos.  I will find out who’s created it.  I don’t even care WHY.  But I will find you.  And I will punch you.  Hard.  In the throat.  Once.  Then I will be done and it can be handled by the others that you’ve affected.
DO NOT FUCK WITH MY FRIENDS.  Do not do it.  It will not end well.
In the words of my niece (which may have been learned from me…)
“I know a guy who knows a guy”


I cannot take this.  I’m teary and pissed off and you know what?  It’s not a good look on me.

Back to life?  Kind of.  I know my brain won’t just stop working on this…so I figure it’ll be at least a week before I’m not spending the majority of the night staring at the ceiling, trying to come up with a new approach or idea or what not on a solution.  I know that when I sleep, the conversation my brain has will lead to me not being rested when I wake up.  I hate it when my brain tries to talk things through with itself.

But I have to get back to life.
I’m not done yet.  I’ve done nothing but fail at this shit right now.  But I’m not done yet.
I just have to change my approach on it…and I can’t focus solely on it.

But I’m not done yet.

We do NOT fuck with my friends.


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