Allow Me to Clear A Few Things…(July 4th, 2016)

Ask and you shall receive answers:

Take a Break?  It’s a holiday.  Don’t you have the day off?

I work for myself.  On the internet.  So…nope.  No days off.  Am I going to take some time to celebrate?  If I remember in time to get downtown to join my family to watch the fireworks, yes.  But I lost 11 clients at the end of last month (non-payment and contract completion).  So I’m on a client hunt.  I’m submitting prospect docs to project…I’m doing that thing where you pay bills and grocery shop…I’m reading tech papers…searching for auditions…watching seminars…registering for conferences…planning travel…working budget and business doc and proposals…planning training for pole…
Day off?  HA!  I get time off in 10 minute increments about twice a day.  Maybe.

It’s not a bad thing.  You don’t build yourself and something great by heading to the beach every weekend.  People don’t understand that.  I get looks of pity as I’m taking notes on a vid lecture at a restaurant…I’m aware.  I get odd looks and even stranger comments when I’m at the gym really late or really early.  Explaining to people that I work on the internet brings the statements of “must be nice” because they don’t understand that the internet doesn’t shut down.  People don’t understand that classes take priority over bonfires this summer.  It’s not bad.  It’s just needed.  It has to be done this way.  I’m okay with it.  But no, I don’t get a day off.

Success is my only option.

Are you okay?  What’s wrong?

I appreciate the concern.  I posted I needed a hug.   I had a bad day…a long day.  Very long.  It started in the morning of June 30th…and I finally called it this morning at about 3am.  Yes, I slept in there on and off.  But more than not, I was digging online.

I’m trying to find answers to a technical problem that I’m not smart enough to know enough about to solve.  …yet.  The information is out there.  It has to be.  (I don’t understand a lot of what I’m reading, but that’s what Google is for, right?)  It’s a matter of finding the material and the experts…getting the information…understanding the information…and then applying it to the problem to gather a solution.  It’s just taking time and I’m frustrated that I don’t understand a lot of the materials…that I can’t find the people I need to talk to…that the answers aren’t just out there in plain sight that I can implement as a solution.  I’m tired.  It’s taking a LOT of time.  But it will get solved.

Besides that?  See list from above that I’m doing.  All of it.  Current state of my life is chaos.  I am so very ready to go back to my normal mayhem!  I’m just tired.  Mentally exhausted.  Frustrated.  Yet determined as all fuck.  I can figure this out.  Life will go back to mayhem.  All will be right within my world.

Success is my only option.
…I was going to add another section, but I think that’s an entry unto itself for later…maybe tonite.

Back to papers and forums.  Don’t need me.  I’m not answering my phone today.

 

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