Happy Mother’s Day. Here’s a little history to start things off:
Origins of Mother’s Day on History.com
Now let’s move on, shall we? Good.
As a childless woman in her mid-thirties, Mother’s Day -while a great idea!- frustrates me for many MANY reasons.
Numero uno? The pity. So much pity for me. “Happy Mother’s D…oh. Sorry.”
Don’t be sorry. First of all, could you REALLY imagine another ME in this world???? Yeah…no. The US Government doesn’t have the resources to deal with that. The fact that my nieces and nephews and friends’ kids have picked up (and can accurately and effectively USE) my language -not all profanity either, mind you!- and sarcasm to drop most adults is probably “bad” enough.
Second? It took me YEARS, but I’ve accepted the fact that my body for whatever reason won’t or can’t do the “get pregnant” thing. There were a lot of tears and trials and I’m sure that that played into my severe swings into depressive episodes as well.
Before the offers of advice and suggestions come in: thanks, but been down all available roads. They would actually do more harm than good…and the percentage chances are still way low. It’s okay. I appreciate the concern. Yet, see “Numero uno”.
Yes! There are days that not having kids pisses me off. But mostly I’m at peace with it.
I have to be.
And yes, the adoption process is an option…that was started several times…always with an outcome of “maybe if you waited…”. The reasons varied. Am I against attempting the process again at some point? Nope. Yet right now, it’s more of a concern for me to work with agencies to fight and make sure that the kids in foster care are being treated properly and are NOT take from a truly suitable and loving home because of someone’s spite against the parents (happens a LOT).
Plus, I’m okay with being involved in youth organizations as a volunteer as well. I have been involved as a volunteer for years in youth organizations and will continue to be. The organizations are there and the volunteers are truly needed! Many parents sign their kids up and then don’t get involved! The programs don’t run without volunteers!!! I’m there because the programs are important and FUN! It works well: good times and I get to share my knowledge and skills and help teach and build up a younger generation. Win-win.
The other reason I really don’t like Mother’s (or Father’s) Day is because of the way y’all
TREAT YOUR PARENTS EVERY OTHER DAY OF THE YEAR.
No. For realz.
I talk to my Momma almost everyday. And the days that I don’t, I feel horrible!
One day she won’t be on this earth anymore. I know this. We all die. And we don’t necessarily know WHEN it’s fixin’ to happen.
Yet I know that one day she will be gone.
I think anyone with people in their lives (parents or others) knows this as well. Yet, I watch as people go weeks and MONTHS without seeing their parents in person -while well within driving distance!- or even calling them!
Then? They pass and the “woe is me! My mother / father is gone!” starts. It’s frustrating to me.
Yes! It’s difficult to watch the people that took care of YOU need to be taken care of! I know this (my Grandpa was at-home-hospice for the last 3 months of his life). Yet, it’s part of the game as they age. Do you not realize how difficult it was to watch you grow up and not need them any longer? Same thing.
“I don’t have time”
You don’t have the balls to be there for them. That’s selfish as fuck. And you don’t get to do that…to void your own fear about mortality or some other deep psychological shit…
Be there WITH your parents NOW. Quit avoiding them. THEY MISS YOU LIKE HELL!
I have a very difficult time watching mothers who’ve lost children (for whatever reason they are no longer in their lives) fake a smile today. There are more out there than you want to realize. And they fake smiles everyday as they watch you post pictures of your perfect children…and then complain about needing wine to survive and not being able to go the bathroom by yourselves. Not just once or twice as a joke. But daily. Because you have kids. And it’s so tough to get a moment to yourself. Believe me, it hurts. Yet they smile because it’s not supposed to anymore…or something…
Shall we discuss the children whose mothers abandoned the family? OR who are absolute slime (think: drug addicts or dump them with family every day so they can go out) and still have custody of their children? It’s an extremely difficult day for those children as well! “My mother is a drug addict.” “My mom left us.” Whatever has happened…yet they’re still supposed to like “mom” today.
I personally don’t need a calendar to tell me to call Momma.
And I miss my Gram everyday.
And I’m in awe of my Sisters and my friends with kiddos.
But there is so much FAKE and bullshit today! I want to throw up!
(Disclaimer: I’ll probably change a few things and just recycle the majority of this post for Father’s Day. Pretty much the same feelings on it.)
So instead I put miles on my shoes this morning.
Yup. I went running.
I hate running. BUT I made a desicion that I will do 26.2 miles of RUNNING this month.
See, I signed up for RunBlingRepeat in April already. And I did 51.4 miles of walking and indoor miles (treadmill, elliptical, arc trainer) last month. I hate running…so what better way to MAKE myself run than to set a personal goal to RUN my qualifying mileage in May? I have an over-all goal for May of 100+ miles total. And I personally want to RUN a total of 26.2 miles. That’s an entire marathon! I can do this!!!
So I laced up my shoes as I was waiting for my email accounts to migrate (and I was in a horrible funk!) and went for a run.
And guess what???
My 2.3 miles don’t even count because I forgot to start my RunKeeper to log it!!!
Blah! LOL! Oh well. Call it a practice run? Yeah. That’s it…
Do I feel “better”? Oh fuck no. But I feel more accomplished. And that’s a start. So…:P
I still think Mother’s Day is just like every other holiday celebrated:
Commercialized and fake-as-fuck.
Do with it what you want to.
I’m going to work…then have dinner with Momma, just like I do 6 nights out of the week. Because one day she won’t be here. Not because it’s “her day”, but because she deserves it today and everyday.
Call your mother today…and again tomorrow. And the day after that.
And if your mother isn’t here, live to make her proud now. Work hard, don’t complain, and use every talent you have and skill you can acquire. Keep learning. Keep doing. Keep building. Your mother believed you could do anything (trust me: she did -or still does). Don’t let her memory fade or let her down by half-assing it through life or settling for less than what is in your brain as what you see can happen.
And remember that for every picture of your perfect children…for every “I need wine to survive this” post…there are rivers of tears from those who’ve lost children. Yet? They’re gonna fake a smile. And they’ll be happy for you and watch your children grow, wishing them the best and celebrating their successes -the big ones and the little ones!
They’re gonna bite their tongue…but they’d love to tell you to quit working that over time and be involved in our children’s lives. They’d love to tell you that your supposed to be tired and it’s a sign that you’re doing the right thing. They’d love to tell you that you’d better cherish every single moment…because one day it could be gone.
I’m out. This whole put-it-down-in-words has actually backfired and I’m way more pissed off about people expecting pats on the back for complaining about their kids and about people faking any caring about their mothers than I am zen about getting it off my chest.
I foresee another run today. This time? I’ll start RunKeeper so it’ll count.
No…I won’t feel better than, either. Pretty much because the stupidity will keep happening whether I run or not.
Catch ya on the flip